Making a Commitment To Right Now

Okay, okay… I know I owe you a post about my art show which was well over a month ago. But I’ve decided to make a COMMITMENT to the right now before I go catching up on stuff I COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA been doing all along.

The past several Fridays my husband and I have gone on date-afternoons. This lovely little block of time where we get to be Bob and Melissa away from the all-encompassing roles of Mommy and Daddy. What do we talk about? Of course, the baby. But it’s so nice to have that time AWAY to have A WAY to just be and breathe and think and process a little. We sat there over grilled peaches and burrata and hummus and pita and wine for me and bourbon for him and in between bites and sips played the game we played on our first date. “Inside the actors studio” – interviewing each other quick questions a la James Lipton. How luxurious to be able to spend some time with each other this way.

Bob asked me if I was afraid I’d forget all the wonderful things Mr. P is doing right now, if I’d be one of those parents who’d look at a little baby and say “I can’t even remember my baby being that small.” Of course it will happen one way or another, but my answer was to be “in the present.” How simple and sometimes lofty a response but how hard to actually do.


The other afternoon, I did just that. Mr. P and I played in his room for about an hour. During that time he discovered the curtain that we use as a closet door. We played an endless game of “Where’s Mr. P? Where’d he go?” Mommy pause, mommy pause, pretending to look everywhere. “There he is!!!!” Using my biggest most excited high-pitched voice to again and again pretend like I was finding him for the first time. I will never ever forget that: his face lit up like a one-tooth Christmas tree waiting in eager anticipation to be discovered. And as I write this, I realize, aren’t we all doing just that day in and day out, waiting in eager anticipation to be discovered: Seen, heard, experienced by those we care about and even by strangers on the street, exchanging smiles and pistons firing chemistry of joy and love into the universe. And validation, too, I guess.

This will be a hard blog for me to post. Because I am going to post it AS IS. As in, without saving it as a draft and then ruthlessly and compulsively obsessing about its perfection. And what if someone doesn’t understand what I meant by that? And what if there’s a mixed metaphor? And what if there’s a typo? And what if I sound afraid? Or unhappy? Or braggy? Or annoying?

I will probably be all these things and more. But in this moment, I can tell you this. This is the slice of life that is me, right here and right now. And that is all I have to offer as my timer just beeped for 15 minutes that I allotted myself (AKA committed to myself) to write this. I’ll spend another 15 minutes wrapping up, trying to find the picture of Mr. P hiding behind the closet curtain (without getting caught in the photo-spiral that is my phone and my iPhoto at the moment – trying to find the picture I want and instead getting caught looking at every picture since he was born.)

Thank you, darling readers, for reading this, thank you for being here. I commit to doing this everyday for seven days and then we will go from there. Gotta go – timer is ticking!

So much love and gratitude,

Melissa

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Melissa Renzi

Artist, dreamer, doer. Mommy. Working mommy. Wife and friend and daughter, too.

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